Parent Heart Watch meeting with Matt

I started writing this on the way home from Matt’s trip to Seattle. He was asked to speak before the Parent Heart Watch annual meeting and it was truly an amazing weekend. Matt has been speaking to various groups regarding his cardiac arrest. The parents (and I emphasize that) from Parent Heart Watch wanted to hear Matt because he is a survivor of sudden cardiac arrest. This is unusual, to be frank. Very few survive to speak of their ordeal. And survivors are an attestation to the fact that when we are prepared to deliver CPR and use an AED, lives can be saved. Lives of children. The membership of PHW is comprised of parents who have lost a child to sudden cardiac arrest. Matt, Paul and I were humbled by their tenacity to see something done for the children of this country (actually, the world, as there were many international members in attendance). They have channeled their grief and anger into action and they’re getting something done!

PHW focuses on CPR awareness and training and on getting AEDs placed in schools and public places. There are many sad stories and I don’t need to tell you of the devastation which follows the loss of a child. It’s something you don’t ever get over. You wait…and wait until you die…and you hope that you are going to see your child again. There were those at the meeting who had been members since the organization’s inception. They are seasoned lobbyists for the effort. The loss is further behind them (but never forgotten) so they also form an amazing support group for those whose loss is more acute.

I can tell you that all three of us felt the pang of survivor’s guilt. And we also were reminded of the difference that a moment, a minute, a split second decision, a day…can make. The what ifs went through our minds over and over again. It was a beautiful day and a heartrending day at the same time. We just wanted to hug our baby boy, but we had to share him with others who wanted to hug him too. Did they wonder why our son got to live and theirs didn’t? Some of the children were boys who reminded me of Matt. Big boys, football players. They’re gone. It broke my heart.

People die every day. Death is sad. It’s part of living. Sudden cardiac arrest is a special kind of death. Many die while participating in sports activities. It’s hard to reconcile. It’s fast. There’s no chance to deal with it. It happens while you’re doing something happy. It’s akin to drowning in your wonderful swimming pool. To dying in a wreck in that first car that made them so happy. Is happiness balanced by despair in the total scheme of things? I thought about it a lot this weekend. So why do we put ourselves in that situation? For the cause. Really. Because in some circumstances, these deaths can be prevented and that is all good. And if Matt can promote the cause, he wants to do it. And if he can give a hug and it can help, he wants to help.